Trusting God Even If

Do you ever find your spirit so preoccupied with absolute ridiculousness that you find it hard to trust God even if? Do you ever get to that place where you recognize that Satan is merely playing a dirty game of cards; trying to trip you up for things that should be good, but for which he’d like to destroy?

He seems to whisper in your ear the uncertainties that make it hard to trust God even if. Remember the Bible tells us that “The thief comes only in order to steal, kill and destroy; I have come so that they may have life, life in its fullest measure.” (John 10:10, The Complete Jewish Bible).

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Satan has a way of persuading you that you will just mess things up. Before you know it, you are actually teaming up with him. In the thick of the battle, you neglect to trust God.

In recent weeks, I’ve felt as though my internal system was operating in overdrive. I knew why, but that wasn’t enough to put on the breaks. Last night, I could feel the embers in me like a volcano. I decided to call God into the matter.  In that instant of reaching out to him, I knew that I needed to trust God even if.

Relaxing and trusting are not areas where I’ve truly transcended. Most people who know me, witness the chill attitude and believe that I am a go-with-the-flow kind of woman. It’s not that I never relax, in fact, most of the time being chill is the real deal.

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Yet, there is this place in me that pulls the plug on peace whenever life takes unexpected turns. I trust God in the consistency of life but question him when his plans involve change, even if it means life is evolving for the good.

In areas of life that are intricate, I often fail to trust God in the even ifs. I forget that he says, “Come to me, all of you who are struggling and burdened, and I will give you rest.” (Matthew 11:28, The Complete Jewish Bible). Instead, I choose fear and forget to trust God even if.

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It’s nothing new. I have long ticked on a very keen level where thoughts center on the why, what, and how of being human. I have oftentimes troubled over letting life be life. I always need to know the start and finish ahead of the game.

I have grown up practicing social synergies in my brain; stuffing quirks behind a mischievous smile, while playing the rebel.  Over the crux of existence, trusting God has not been the forefront of everything I do.

Sure, being a tomboy full of wit helped me navigate social circles beyond my true nature. Not once had I ever thought to just be me and trust God to work out the circumstances. I  just couldn’t see me through him enough to let him be the driving force.

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I still harbor many quirks that I’m loath to share with the world. I’ve made peace with being a safe version of me. I’ve been operating on a healthy playing field; it’s just the upswings and downswings that throw the game.

Through a commitment to God, I have learned to relax and put trust in him, but not undividedly. I still hold onto areas of life. Sometimes when he’s working it out just perfectly, I panic; swiftly taking it all back.

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In recent weeks, I’ve been on overdrive as I navigate events; working through things that are on the horizon. I’m a freelancer, change is inevitable but I’ve managed to minimize changes. Perhaps this trust issue is key to Satan’s influence.

The irony of my actions in what would be nuances to some has instead been taunting my every waking hour. Remember, I secretly plan every why, what, and how in life. My brain spins out of control when I can’t see the absolutes at the end of the road.

Knowing me, this brand of wacky control can set off firestorms in my world. In good fashion, I fell right into place and began making a lovely mess with my need to protect my quirks while endeavoring to control my world.

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Then last night it hit me, this is part of Aaliyah. God made me who I am, this life is a journey. I’ve been stuffing myself for years into a worldly version of Rhonda. I’ve had to control things to keep life in a safe balance.

I thought, why not embrace some of my quirks. Why not trust God to calm the fears inside of me that say, “don’t let go and let God, hold on even to calamity sister?” Why not instead of that insanity… Why not trust God even if?

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In this eye-opening evening of prayer, I found peace. Last night I even heard something inside just speak calmness. My brain stopped in its tracks and shifted gears; I could feel it. There was somewhat of a redemption moment happening as my head began winding down into quietness.

I could feel the Holy Spirit speaking Psalm 4 into my life. Peace washed over and I knew everything was going to be fine. Now, I just need to remind myself not to pull back the areas of life that God orchestrates. I need to trust God even if.

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We all need to find harmony in the journey. Even if life is not running smooth, or even when we perceive the world at our back; trusting in God makes the journey easier. This is the part of our Aaliyah that brings growth and solves the angst in our hearts.

If you’ll trust God, even when the spirit is consumed with absolute ridiculousness you’ll find rest. When Satan sets out to deceive, trust God even if. Give it to him and let his peace wash over you like a waterfall.

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